When we left off I was picking the brain of one of the most gifted, anointed Pastors that I know. Oh yeah and, forgetting every word he said. I’m grateful that he has authored many books that I can reference these days when I am actually trying to listen. I’m also reminded of a sermon by T.D. Jakes. He was talking about how we need to look at today as the “good times”. It so easy to get caught up in looking back and saying “oh that was so great, that opportunity is the best I will ever have, too bad I didn’t see it”.
He was talking about, I think, living in today. Enjoying what we have today. Yes I just finished Chemo and yes it’s been an HE double hockey sticks kind of a year. But I’m also 45 years old. I’m alive, and I have a lot of time left, hopefully, to serve God, love and serve my family, and enjoy what God has blessed me with. Yes I’ve had great times in the past, but I plan on having many more! God has blessed me with some gifts. I don’t want to waste those. Again back to the story. Here is where it was proposed to me the opportunity to participate in a weekend retreat called The Encounter. Again, I had nothing else to do so Ok what the heck. Looking back I would love to experience that again. You see I was still caught up so deeply in self will, that I wasn’t open to what God had for me. I was concerned with, how I dressed, where I would sleep, would I fit in, all the things that I see today are so NOT important at all. The day came and I packed up for the weekend. The Encounter takes place at the Tarpley Ranch property owned by the Ministry, I believe, and used for different events associated with the church. When I arrived at the property I’m not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t the beautiful facility that I walked into. I had heard the words like lodge, bunkhouse, and kind of pictured us all huddled outside with a fire holding hands singing cum by ya……..that is not anything like what I found at Tarpley.

Living with the Hagee family that month was fast paced to say the least. I would think more than once, where do these people get their energy? From my location in the home, I could hear Pastor leaving somewhere around 5am each morning. When I am up that early, I know it’s got to be the Lord! I followed Diana around like a little puppy, and she sweetly let me, at times giving me some type of assignment at the church. These little things helped me to fit in and feel useful. I didn’t think much about alcohol, during my visit, which I still find very interesting. You have to understand that at this stage in my alcoholism, it was rare for me to not be thinking about it, or plotting to somehow still drink, while trying to hide it from everyone. Even in my home church, there were times that I volunteered at our church bookstore while hiding my drink under the counter. I’m not proud of these times. But through Gods grace and forgiveness I am not ashamed of who I was then. God was still working on me back then, just as he is working on me now. The difference is today I invite him in to do that “work” that I so desperately need. I try to stay out of self will, therefore giving God room to show his will for me. But back to my story. At one specific assignment I was allowed to sit on the left side of Pastor Hagee with a large stack of books to my left. My job was to open one book at a time to the front cover page, and slide it in front of Pastor. There he would autograph it and slide it on to another helper who would stack the finished product. Being the good alcoholic that I was, I was always looking for something or someone to blame my alcoholism on. So I take this opportunity to ask Pastor Hagee about generational curses. You know just in case that is the real problem that I need to look at. I wish I could tell you what he said. I was good at listening, when it was me doing the talking. I’m sure he said something very biblical and wise, but it all just went right past me. What a shame. Maybe someday I will have the chance to ask him again……….
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I was reminded this week of something said to me a few years back in a very dark time. I was in what treatment centers call the chronic stage of my alcoholism. My husband was working with John Hagee Ministries at the time, and their family had become like family to us. I received a phone call from Diana Hagee. She asked me if I would like to come stay with them a while. I wasn’t doing anything but getting drunk, so I said sure…haha. I actually was very nervous and scared. These were very important people in our lives and also my husbands boss. How could I let them see the truth? Looking back, I’m sure they knew the truth anyway, it wasn’t too hard to see back then. So I arrive in San Antonio, TX and Diana picks me up at the airport. She doesn’t send an employee or anyone else, she picked me up herself. I cried and talked with her on the way to their home. God had sent me a mentor and friend. She said something to the effect that “Now I know more, I can care more”. I settled into their spare bedroom. I still couldn’t believe they had brought this mess into their home. They must not know how bad I really am. That evening at dinner Pastor Hagee took my face in his hands and said 5 simple words “We don’t shoot our wounded”. In the month that I would stay in their home, I came to know a very different family than I expected. After all, this is a TV Pastor. He has books to write, people to see. Important people. He can’t be so willing to help me. There’s many other souls to save out there. Why me? He must not know how sick I am. I have many stories to share with you in the coming days about my stay with the Hagee family and how God used them to bless me. I will also share about how my self will, got in the way…..

Ok when we left off I was running like h..e…double hockey sticks from a Super Rama clerk. I swing my backpack around front and start throwing the beers over my shoulder, meanwhile still trying to keep pace. I can’t believe I’m still in front of her, then it happens. I hear sirens coming from somewhere but I don’t see anything, at this point I have crossed a field and headed across a street. Halfway across the street, the police car appears seemingly out of nowhere I run right in front of it, luckily they hit the brakes. I stop and the officer gets out of the car, just then Super Rama Super Clerk appears. She tells the officer that I have stolen beer from the store. I show him my backpack and tell him she is crazy…..there’s definitely a crazy person in his presence but unfortunately for me it is not the clerk.
After a short look through the field the officer returns with the evidence, and I’m handcuffed a half block away from the treatment center. I was charged with theft and assault. Apparently when I threw the beer over my shoulder it was assault on the clerk. Whatever the charges I’m sure I deserved it and more. Oh yeah just in case you are wondering why I didn’t just buy the beer, beer is cheap right? I wasn’t allowed to have money at the treatment center, so an alcoholic like me will always find a way. I wish I could say things ended here, and got better. Unfortunately I continued in this life of hell for quite some time. My friends and family continued to pray for me, and God never left me, even on all those dark days that I left him.

So one day go bolting across the street with my fake Louis Vuitton backpack on to the Super Rama and the Beer isle. Once inside I really don’t remember seeing anyone. No store clerk, no other shoppers, all I saw was my next fix. Yes I know it was only beer, but when you are an alcoholic in the middle of the madness, beer is just fine. I found my beer and loaded the backpack. I was just about to exit the front door of Super Rama when I hear “Excuse me Miss”? No response from me, so she says it again. In the excitement I somehow trip on one of those big red Rug Doctor machines. I struggle with the dumb thing for what seems forever, then finally break through and scramble out the door. I take off in a run, the opposite direction of the treatment center. Then I glance behind me, and holy moly here comes the store clerk
making tracks right behind me. What is she going for Super Rama clerk of the month or something, it’s only beer.
I knew I was sunk because she was built like a runner, and at that time I was built like Bud Light. I had to think fast….

Buffalo Valley Treatment Center in Lewisburg TN was I believe my 4th treatment. So you might be thinking, she was in four treatment centers? No it was actually in 6. I will say it for you, Oh good Lord! There are a lot of OGL in this story, so I will spare you and just tell the story. Buffalo Valley had 2 houses where the patients were housed. The main house where the staff also had offices, and another house 2 doors down which housed only patients. I was assigned to the patient only house. Across from that house was a Super Rama Grocery Store, and a Dollar Store. I made it about 2 weeks into treatment, and the Super Rama started calling my name. We were warned from day one if we left the property, we would be asked to leave treatment, but I wasn’t going to get caught. I started slipping across the street, between classes, to the Super Rama and stealing beer. Yes I said stealing. Yes I know OML!!! Please come back for my conclusion, it gets better….or worse……..