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While doing laundry this morning I started thinking about the last few months going through Breast Cancer.  It has been tough at times.  The first round of Chemo, put me in bed for 3-4 days at a time, and with pretty severe body aches.  Along with this time of the treatment came a very healthy fear.  I knew with every ounce of my heart and soul, that I could not take a drink, or any addictive drug.  Would I have had this healthy fear had I not had such a low bottom drunk?  I’m not so sure that I would have.  There are times when I am extremely grateful for my brokeness.  This was one of those times.  It has not been easy.  Going through the physical pain has been hard.  There have been times that I cried out to God, and felt like I still had no relief.  That’s where faith comes in.  God has never left me, and never let me down.  I don’t know what is in my future, but I trust that if I surrender my will to God, his plan for me is greater than anything I could come up with on my own.  During my drinking, I was very deep in self-will.  You don’t go through 6 treatment centers and still drink if you aren’t hanging on to self-will.  Today my self-will  is scary to me.  I’ve also learned to listen to the Holy Spirit.  That little voice inside me that says, “I don’t think I would do that if I were you”.  I don’t always hear that voice.  Sometimes I hear nothing.  Still working on what that means, but I clearly hear when I am being told NO!  Progress not perfection I guess….All said and done, thank you Lord for allowing me to survive my “Low Bottom Drunk”