Tortured

Thinking back on my childhood, what is one of the top 3 things that effected my life and haunted me so terribly that I still recall it today at age 46? DREAMS. Bad, Torturous, Scary, Heart Pounding, BAD DREAMS. As a child I can remember having these awful dreams that seemed to happen nightly. I was probably between the ages of 8-10. I would pray every night the same prayer. “God please don’t let me have bad dreams that keep me awake.” For some reason the dreams continued and I can only describe what they were like in my child mind as torture. I was always running from someone, or something that was trying to kill me. I would have dreams where I was in a car headed straight into the back of a semi-truck with no way of stopping. When I hit the truck, I would wake up to the room spinning thinking that I had died. I never talked to anyone about the dreams, I just suffered in my own little torture chamber at night. Eventually the dreams stopped and life went on.
Fast forward as an adult. In June of 2006 I took my last drink of
alcohol after what can only be described as a living nightmare of alcoholism. Here’s what I find interesting. The first few months that I was sober, the dreams came back. Once again I was tortured. This time the dreams were full of demon like creatures. They were always after one thing, my life. Because of my desperation for Jesus, that came through my struggle with alcohol, this time I was armed. I began to cry out the name of Jesus in my sleep. I believe today that Satan was torturing me. I was getting to know Jesus. REALLY getting to know Jesus, and for the first time in my life, I was following his will for me. Satan had not given up, and he wanted my soul. I would cry out to those demons in my dreams saying “Satan in the name of Jesus you must leave!” Many times I woke myself up yelling those words. The dreams lasted for a very short time, and then stopped.
I still wonder why I had to suffer through the bad dreams as a child. Why did God not take them away immediately when being asked by a child. I can only know today that he has promised me that he will “use all things for good.” I love Jesus today with all my heart, and I am convinced that he is using “all things for good” in my life. He will do the same in your life too…..if you let him. Be blessed my friends.

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