A foolish child is a calamity to a father, a quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping.
Wow…When I first read this, I thought of Waterboarding. When I quarrel with my husband is that as if I am subjecting him to water torture? It says it, right here in Proverbs. Why do I continue to quarrel with the man that God chose for me? There must still be that part of me that is, I want to say independent, but the real words are, a know it all! After all, I listened to you Lord and worked very hard on myself for the past 7 years! As I write this, it looks so sad to me that the tears start with no prodding. Am I as hard on myself as I am on my husband? Not nearly. Why is it so easy to see where others are coming up short, and so hard to admit to my own short comings. At this point in my life, God has called me to write. Write you say? Yes write. Write what you say? I don’t know, but I know I was called to write. If you think you are confused, you should try living free rent in my head a bit. So anyway, God has called me to write. So why do I have so much trouble picking up that pen? God always provides the topic, and he never fails me. But every time I pick up the pen, I feel like I’m being led to slaughter! Just earlier today on my nice long layover in Brazil, I know life is tough, I have the following arguments with God.
Me Lord you want a lot from me. (Seeing this in print makes me laugh)
God I do, I gave my Son for you.
Me Lord I don’t know what to write.
God Just pick up the pen Dear Child (I added the Dear Child myself, just kinda seems how God would talk.)
Me Ok I’m picking up the pen, I’m ready to write…Ooops sorry Lord, I forgot to floss my teeth after I brushed. Just gotta do that real quick then I’m ready to obey you.
So why again would I be so hard on others. I have learned in Recovery to “Take care of my own side of the street” “Give them to God” “Pray for others” Yet my own self-will continually tries to jump in. So much work to do…Maybe thats why God called me to write. Through writing, I seem to find it easier to listen to God and obey him. Just need to do it way more often!
Please calm my fears and help me with my desire to do your will. I believe the root of my struggle always seems to be fear. You have said, “Fear Not” many times in your word. Please help me to believe and to grasp the peace that you have so graciously given me. I love you Lord, and my greatest desire truly is to serve you. Please help me fight this flesh that wants something else. Something that will never fulfill the true desire of my heart. In your precious name I ask.