I Write With Tears

Listening to Dr. Charles Stanley, I am once again reminded how awful it would be if toward the end of life, you suddenly discover that God had given you a gift, a purpose in life, and you never used it. Dr. Stanley called it ending your life with a big fat 0!  Wow a 0….As tears come to my eyes, very easily these days it seems, I realize at 47 years of age I don’t want this to happen to me.  I have failed so many times in my life.  Lord, I don’t want to fail you.  And so, here I am, and I write.  I write with pain in my gut that is sometimes so strong I feel it will burst.  You know where my pain comes from God.  I know where it comes from too……and that is why I write again, with tears ……So here I begin my story….with hurt in my heart and fear that is so strong it can only be conquered through surrender to the Lord….So again here it is the story of how God used this broken messed up life, to show just how far his grace will go…..

In the days to come I will begin to share my story. I appreciate your prayers as I share the parts of my story that are the hardest to share.  Therefore

I Write With Tears

 

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Turning Off The Voices

I have learned something huge for me this week. I was listening to a Sermon of Dr. Charles Stanley  “Gods Stress Remover”. The sermons from this man of God, when put to practice in my life, have truly changed my life, and helped me to grow in my relationship with God. I was on a layover down in Brazil, when I finished listening. I decided right then that I was going to change how I listened to God. Dr. Stanley talked about picking a quiet spot to listen to God, which I have heard before, but he also talked about being in complete darkness along with the quiet. Well when you have so many thoughts going on in your head like I tend to have, you need all the help you can get. Then I remembered……….I packed my Bose headsets, which I rarely do, because frankly they take up too much room in my suitcase and when choosing between another pair of  flip flops….I tend to choose the shoes….yes I’m a girl…..Anyway I realize I have them, but I also realize what God is doing. So after arguing with myself, yes in my head, I decide to try what Dr. Stanley talked about. I opened the curtains of my room and start fishing around the panels for the big, thick blackout panel and …..there it is.  I see the beautiful beach of Rio De Janeiro. Oh dear Lord, why couldn’t I just hear from Dr. Stanley another time. You know, while I am somewhere not so, you know, tempting.  But, since I’m holding my Bose headsets in my hands, and I’ve already made this commitment, I shut the curtains.  I had left one small light on by the bed, so I started heading that way when, the phone rang.  I picked up the phone to hear our Purser on the trip Cecelia.  Hey Lori I’m going to head out to Ipenema for lunch, would you like to go.  I glance at the clock, it is 12 noon.  I have to eat right?  When she said Ipanema and lunch,  my stomach immediately started growling.   But somehow, I had decided that my commitment to God was more important, wow thank you Lord.  I said can we go at 1pm?  She quickly responded, that’s fine, I will do some things on the computer and meet you downstairs.  So I head toward the bed with my headsets, and prop myself up on the pillows.  I turn off the lights and put my headsets on and wait.  I can’t hear a thing, the Bose headsets really work.  The blackout curtains are also doing the trick.  So I wait……..”Be Still and Know That I Am God”  Psalms 46:10  I ask God, ” What do you want from me”?  Then the tears start, and I begin to talk to God.  I tell him all my worries, all my deepest most heartfelt fears.  Then he talks.  He calms my spirit in a way that only  HE can.  Only the  Most High God could make me feel so free….so loved. What he told me was very short, and very simple, but it is changing my life.  I can’t wait to share with you, just how GREAT my God is.  Blessings, Lori

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You Have Cancer

Three words I thought I would never hear, at least not at 45. I cried to God please, not now. God ever since I turned my will over to you, I’ve done my best to serve you. There is so much more I want to do. Cole was without a Mom so much of his little life, please God heal me now, so that he doesn’t have to see me, yet again, so sick. Please father. I know you can heal me, so please if you will……The healing didn’t come that day, or the next, and I couldn’t understand why. Why would God allow me to go through this, when I’m at such a good place in my life. That’s where faith had to kick in. I know you love me Lord, and you are too loving to be unkind. I hate it….but I trust you.

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